R.I.P Nicotine March 1992- 4th November 2010
Okay, so how did I start going from not smoking a cigarette to been on 20 a day for over 18 years to quit the habit.
Well, it was an easy choice from the first day I joined the Army in 1992 these who smoked got time to chill and relax smoking a nice bifta , Burn, Fag, Smoke, Ciggy. So it was only a matter that I would join the gang of smokers in my Platoon anything to get a few minutes without the platoon staff turning my life upside down and inside out. I had been posted to Queen Elizabeth Barracks in York and for the next 6 month carry out my basic training and then joining one the regiment’s oldest battalions in the British army The Green Howards.
I had tried smoking when I was about 10 or 11 however my Mom had caught me and told me to get in the house and go to my room. I remember the fear I felt expecting a smack around the lug or a kick up the backside, however, this was different my dad was out at work and would not be home for a few hours.
My Mom a loving lady who never shouted or got mad only if I drank the milk of walked across a mopped floor. She called me in the front room I walked liked I did if I was ever in trouble at a very slow pace hoping there would be an earthquake, Flood or an alien invasion to get me out of this situation. I entered the front room in the corner was the new 2nd hand color telly that was about the size of old car with 6 buttons across the top but only 3 had any use.
She (the cat's mother) was sat on our red velvet settee as I entered the room as I walked towards her I scanned the room the multicoloured Venetian glass fish ornament was just sat chilling with its mouth open and on the wall with the red velvet wallpaper was a sad looking boy with a tear going down his face, or we were posh out of the corner of my eye I could see a packet of cigarettes on the table with one sticking out like an old joke trick with the chewing gum the would trap your finger if you were foolish enough to grab one. My mom pulled out a cigarette from the box and lit it and gives it to me and told me if I wanted to smoke I had to smoke in front of her and she was not mad or angry just didn't want me smoking outside. As she handed me the cigarette I snapped like chocolate fireguard as broke down crying and promised I would never smoke again.
I never lied to my mam about never smoking again I just delayed the timing of my next one, You see been a smoker and been in the army always went together because back then you got smoke breaks all the time, you would be getting taught how to read a map and use a compass, I had trouble reading a book never mind a map and the instructor would say smokers take 5 have a smoke the rest of the class what is a grid 123456. Or on a morning after breakfast we would hear the great words of the section commander smokers 5min smoke break others get the block jobs done by your beds you have 15 minutes , Block jobs are a series on minor task to make an old army living Accommodation look like new, by polishing everything the taps, door handles, tops of lockers, the floor, the windows anything that was brass had to be polished with Brasso even the big silver bin in the corridor the item that's sole purpose in life was to hold rubbish was the one place that rubbish could not go, it was the cleanest thing in the barracks the Army had some funny rules.
The advantage of smoking is it made the day go a lot faster everything revolved around a smoke. You did everything before or after a smoke, go to the stores just have a fag, clean your weapons just have a smoke, Iron your kit have a quick smoke, waiting for a bus quick smoke. Wake up have a smoke, off to bed smoke, Have a meal have a smoke After sex have a smoke, If I was ever given bad news I would digest it by having a smoke to relieve the stress or anxiety of the situation, it was a little addiction that I feed over the years without even knowing its days turned into weeks and weeks into months and the months into years.
Having a beer and a smoke is the same thing it was like there were both invented to be each other's company having a nice cold beer and a smoke after a hard day's graft it the best way to unwind in the world. I remember in my early day of becoming a time served smoker, walking into the Mandale pub it looked like a battlefield from the Somme with the thick clouds of smoke that hung in the air and the smell clung to my clothes like an unwanted Ex-Girlfriend. The pool table light would show the smoke lingering in the air with a big sign saying NO Smoking over the pool table. Going to the bar and ordering a beer sitting down and sparking up was what smoking was all about but this was going to change. In 2007 on the 1st of July a smoking ban came into effect making it legal well more of illegal to smoke in all enclosed workplaces. Did this mean everyone stopped smoking? When it was made illegal to use your mobile phone while using a car did everyone stop? Telling people to stop doing things does not work educating people and giving them information on the dangers of the risk associated with the hazard now that helps a bit more. When I was told at school that if I smoked I would die, simple Smoke = death so how surprised was I when I got that lesson and thought I had tried a cigarette but I did not die just upset my mom, what does this teacher actually know what else was he telling me that was not true. Who was this man who turned water into wine?
So as I got older and my addiction got stronger the need for a cigarette slightly changed I can't recall the day but it had gone from wanting a smoke to waking up needing one. As I was getting older I was coughing a lot more, on runs in the Army it was taking me longer to catch my breath. My friend and Mentor would take the piss on fitness and ask if I was bringing my Bagpipes with me on P.T (short for physical training in the army) due to how I would sound on runs catching my breath. I would hear myself wheezing sat watching telly looking around to see what the noise was only to realize it was me. Well that must mean I need a quick smoke, but I could pack in anytime it was easy.
I must've tried 10 times over the years to pack the dirty habit and get rid of this addiction and I tried everything from giving my cigarettes away to trying the patches to gum even bets with friends to see who could last longer but it never worked. After trying to give up something but not succeeding was not nice at all, we all hate failure. Then you felt you needed to tell everyone you could not do it and the people in the addiction with you would not be glad you failed but at the same time offer you a smoke to feed the addiction even more.
One day a person very close to me asked me to stop smoking I was someone who could affect his life through my actions. I have heard/read/watched that your children become what you are and you do not realise how your actions mannerisms, and how others around you are influenced by your decision making just like when I was influenced to smoke by peer group all them years ago. I went out a bought a book on how to quit smoking by a well know author, that is it end of story all done Yer right I tried that it was not for me it did not work for me for whatever reason
Then one day I and my friend went to the medical center to visit the smoking clinic to get the smoking patches it was going to be easy, go in there get the patches the next day pack in smoking this was about the 28th October 2010 it was a Monday. I went in and got all the normal questions why I wanted to pack in smoking, 1 was asked to set a date that I would become a non-smoker, set a date, the date was today Monday I had told myself after chain smoking the full 4 hours’ drive to work. She then explained to me that the only way I was going to pack in smoking was to understand why and how I smoked, why I smoked??? And how I smoked was she winding me up, just give me the patches and I will be on my way I explained to her. However, it was not that simple she then handed me a list of about 10 questions to answer and told me there was a number of options to help me quit however we needed a smoking plan.
Well, this was different a nurse that wanted me to see her over a period of weeks/months and to go through this journey together, so we sat down and went through a plan this was no plan I had ever seen or heard of before a smoking plan. It was my plan on how to become an ex-smoker
She explained that as a person we do everything on a Monday we start work on a Monday the first day of school is a Monday so naturally, the first day to quit is a Monday
I came up with a plan and the date was the Monday 7th of November when asked why I explained that I had a family Bonfire night party to go to on the 5th and I was going to have a drink and I enjoyed a smoke and a drink and all the normal excuses a smoker makes. She told me my day to pack in smoking was the 4th of November a random day in the week and noting particularly on that date none of my family's birthday deaths, anniversaries nothing just a day on the calendar. I was given some gum, mints and some patches and told me to try them for the next few days and put a patch on one day to see how I felt. I was giving a list of points from now on to-do and continue smoking.
1) Every time I smoke be aware that I am smoking (Smokers smoke without releasing)
2) Every time I smoke ask if I need it, and how I feel as I smoke
3) Count how many I smoke each day
So on the 3rd November 2010 at about 22.30hrs I opened my window and smoked my last cigarette for that night, I told myself that I was not packing in just delaying my next one with the help of a few boxes of gum and a week's worth of patches and a positive attitude off I went. The first day was not as bad as I thought it was going to be I had told no one I was attempting to stop smoking so I just never had one and because no one knew, no one asked or questioned me. By Friday lunchtime I was about to make the 4 hours’ drive home I was a little anxious the gum was given me a sore throat and the patches were giving me sural dreams on a night I had decided not to sleep with them and take them off on a night. When I arrived home I just acted normal but without having a cigarette I told my partner I have cut down and not had one since Wednesday and I had been on the patches, to which she replied its easy on the patches. Is it I had just driven for 4 hours dreaming of having a smoke to accompany me on this long journey home however little did I know the journey had just begun.
One thing that hit me was how negative smokers were towards me when there had found out I had gone 4 days without a smoke, in their own self-righteous way instead of
congratulating me on my 4 days of smoke-free it was the opposite I got comments like, no one likes a quitter, or be told that I never smoked that much anyway or there glad I packed in because I only smoked there’s, The latter was true I suppose. Or when I asked to open the window to let fresh air in the kitchen to be told it’s freezing with the window open to get it closed. This is what I was up against an Ex-smoker against the smokers I was the only person that did not smoke so no one else was worried about me for once I know how the minority felt. I continued to become an Ex-smoker and continued to use the patches however after about 2 weeks I woke up one morning got showered had my breakfast and went to work. I realized I had not put a patch on I felt like I had walked out the house with no trousers on I felt naked and vulnerable and if anyone at any time was to offer me a smoke I would melt like a chocolate fireguard and give in to offer, This was easily overcome by taking a few deep breaths going into my draw and there in front of me was a little note I had written to myself,
Don’t smoke today have as many as you want tomorrow.
That's how I got through each day? I don't avoid smoking areas or smoking cabins if my friends smoke I go out with them and continue our stories well there continue to listen to me talking. I try not to judge anyone who smokes or tell them the dangers of smoking or the financial benefits of not smoking for example if I had saved £5 a day for last 7 years that was the cost of a packet of fags I would have saved £12.775. So tonight I am going to a family fireworks display smoke-free and free from the addiction of nicotine.
It’s not been easy and I do get the odd craving now and then, however, I have two children that I need to set standards for and show them the rights from wrongs not easy I know but I do my best and not smoking is just one of them
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